Good Manners
There was this conversation between a mom and her teenage daughter as they were in the kitchen:
Mom: Did I hear you fart?
Daughter: Sorry, mom. It just escaped. You know we ate beans this evening.
Mom: You should learn manners. And they include being able to synchronize fart with any available sound so nobody will be pissed off. If there is no available sound, you should make some noise. Nobody will dare to smell the butt if you apply this little trick.
Daughter: Okay, mom. You’re clever.
Mom: Just to let you know as well, it is a good manner to shave the armpits and the pubic area. Why would anyone cultivate hairs at these places!
DID YOU KNOW THAT EATING PLENTY OF PROTEIN (SAY, BEANS), IN THE EVENING, CAN TURN YOUR STOMACH INTO A KEG OF GUNPOWDER, AND YOU WILL BE RELEASING FREQUENT AIR BLAST?
Dialogue Between A Postman And A City Man:
City Man: Good morning.
Postman: Good morning, Sir.
City Man: I came to know what is going on. I moved to a new residence since over one year now. I have not received any letter.
Postman: Did you inform us about your new address?
City Man: Yes I did.
Postman: One moment, please. Okay, I can see that. Did you check at your former address? Are you sure your letter box is well secured?
City Man: Yes I checked and there is no letter. Also, my letter box is properly installed and safe.
Postman: If you have not received any letter since over one year, the only reason I can think of is that nobody sent you a letter. And nobody writes you.
City Man: What?
Postman: Yes of course. Next person please.
Dream Panorama
You are in a dream and behold there are people around you who seem to be friends. It is fun all the way – food, drinks, you name it! You are about to eat your favourite meal and someone close to you – say, your mom, dad, sister or brother – wakes you up from sleep. What would you do?
The Difference Between Crazy And Stupid
A truck driver was doing his usual delivery to a Mental Hospital.
Just as he was about to leave, he discovered he had a flat tire. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tire down.
When he was about to fix the spare tire, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.
Try as he might, he couldn’t fish the bolts out. He was at his wits’ end.
Just then one of the patients happened to walk by and asked the driver what happened.
The driver thought what the heck, there was nothing much he could do. So he explained what happened to the patient.
The patient laughed at him and said, “You can’t even fix such a simple problem… No wonder you are a truck driver….
Here’s what you do. Take one bolt from each of the other three tires and fix them on this tire. Then drive to the nearest workshop and get the missing ones replaced. Easy as that.”
The driver was stunned. He turned to the patient and asked, “So if you’re this smart, then why are you here at the Mental Hospital?”
The patient replied: “Hello…I am here because I’m CRAZY. Not because I’m STUPID!”
Have You Had To Search For What You Had On Or Near You?
One of my neighbours have had to do just that and in a big way. He had a gold pen that he bought … who knows how much? One Saturday afternoon, another friend called him on phone for a chat that lasted more than one hour. As the talk went on, he picked his gold pen and toyed with it. At a point, he became absorbed in the discussion and unconsciously put the pen at the back of his ear flap. That was the root of the drama!
When the phone call was over, he wanted to write a greetings message on a gift card he bought for a beloved friend. He started looking for the gold pen. He searched all his bags, drawers, pockets, but no success. He started to think about the people that visited him. Could it be that this person or that person made away with the pen? He actually called two people and asked if they found it. The pen had a mark on it with which he could identify it anywhere he saw it – luckily, he thought.
He dressed up and was heading to the police to make a report in person. That was when I met him and came into the scene. He told me how sad he was – looking for the gold pen – and what he was about to do. I noticed that there was something at the back of his ear flap. I asked him, “are you talking about the pen on your ear”? I did not want to touch the pen so that he would not consider me to be a magician. He moved his hand and grabbed the pen. He was speechless for more than seven seconds, with his mouth open. And then we laughed and laughed and laughed.
Lesson:
There is evidence that a lot of people have, at one time or another, fallen victim of this funny search. If you ever find yourself in this situation (again), give yourself a little quiet time to think otherwise you might end up going farther than this my neighbour.
Dialogue Between The Earth And The Sun
Earth: Hi there, What a beautiful day!
Sun: Oh yes. I am at work.
Earth: Okay. Let me watch you work.
Sun: Oh, I see.
After some time
Sun: I am only seeing your face. What happened to the rest of your body? Hope everything is fine.
Earth: So, so. I decided to cover myself up. I am just worried.
Sun: Worried about what?
Earth: I do not understand what is wrong with my tenants. Trouble here and there.
Sun: Meaning?
Earth: One being but divided by different beliefs and ideologies. This is worrisome!
Sun: I know, I know. They are children of one father with varied understanding. Law & order, which will be binding on all, is the solution to their problems and not the beliefs and ideologies. I hope they would understand this some day.
After some time
Earth: Anyways, it’s been a long day. Let me go and rest.
Sun: Okay. Me too. See you tomorrow. Take care.
Earth: Hope you will have a good rest. See you.
A Chase
The way one runs when one is under a chase is directly proportional to what is chasing one but is inversely proportional to the condition of health. It is not the way a person being chased by a tiger runs that another person being chased by a chicken runs. Can you imagine how the two people will run under a chase? Imagine that someone who is sick, but can still walk, is chased by a tiger. Your imagination is as good as mine!
For life to be worth living, efforts should be made to reduce the things that chase humanity. Such things could be concrete or abstract. Let us not forget that the way one runs depends on what is chasing one.
Smart Kid
After having a good breakfast, a 3-year old started playing around and suddenly turned to his father:
Kid: Papa, I want to speak France, Spain and Germany.
Father: No, son. You don’t speak a country. You speak the language of a country. You’d rather want to speak
French, Spanish and German.
Kid: Okay.
After some seconds
Kid: Who is this? (he asked, pointing at his mother)
Father: She is your mama, my wife.
Kid: Your wife? So you marry my mama?
Father: Yes, I do.
Kid: Why? When I grow up, I will marry your mama.